Thinkage 2

Cloud….

Clouds are funny things… They’re a lot like ethnic minorities in many ways; there are many different types, and everyone views them differently. There are fluffy white ones, big black ones, scattered ones (which make lovely sunsets) and many more to name. There’s a huge grey cloud outside at the moment, taking up all the sky, which I find rather rude. As an added insult, it’s also made the day somewhat of a cold one, which confused me quite a lot since its April. I’m sure climate change during recent years must be either:

a) God’s idea of a practical joke (things must be boring up there, since he hasn’t really had the chance to meet anyone new since Ghandi; and lets face it, I don’t think Ghandi would be much fun at parties. Or would he? Actually, if God is an intellectual, then I’m sure Ghandi would be able to blow him away, which must be a thrill for the omnipotent. Hmmm… but if God is omnipotent, then would he be able to be blown away, even by Ghandi? Surely God must have heard it all, since he created it all. Then again, I rarely remember or proof read what I’ve created, so one mustn’t expect too much of God. Then again, I don’t believe in God).

b) Meteorologists’ idea of a practical joke (for the same reason as above, but without Ghandi and God).

c) A natural phenomenon sped up and amplified by the consumption of oil, natural gas, and other unnatural releases of CO2 (but this is far too boring and obvious to be true, it is much like evolution – finally the Americans have got something right).

d) Aliens’ idea of a practical joke (Haven’t they got anything better to do that to play with our minds?? And our body temperatures, for that matter. How dare they? Maybe this is all a test… I wonder if we’ll pass? Are they testing us as a species, or are they testing us individually, and I wonder if those of us that pass their test get to be a part of their intergalactic federation, and I wonder whether we’d be able to wear cool uniforms. I hope they have a decent seamstress, because I suppose a uniform made for a humanoid species with four arms, would look rather unflattering on the average person…. I don’t know why astronomists and such continue their search for alien life, I mean, it’s obviously an SEP [Somebody Else’s Problem], isn’t it? No one would notice if an alien spaceship landed in their back garden [because it would conflict too much with their daily rituals of watching TV, playing kerplunk etc, and their brains simply wouldn’t be able to cope with that much information, so they choose to just not notice it], so they certainly wouldn’t notice alien life through their telescope).

I’m inclined to believe neither a) (since I don’t believe in God), or c) (for the reason explained), so if you ask me, either way climate change is a practical joke of someone’s.

Hmmmm… after all that talk about SEP’s, I’m a bit more inclined to believe in God. Maybe Aliens and God are one in the same thing? No… that could never be, since God impregnated Mary, and it is already proven that alien and human interbreeding is impossible. God must be God. But if you think about God in a logical and illogical way simultaneously, it does seem slightly plausible. Quantum physics explains SEP’s (not in the same wonderful way as Douglas Adams did, but we mustn’t be picky), so theoretically, a big grey bearded man could be sitting in a cloud, with nothing better to do than play around with our climate. Though, I mustn’t be too harsh on him, if I was God for a day, I’d probably pull some fantastic pranks on mankind. If I end up going to heaven (which might exist, if it were disguised as an SEP), then I’m sure God would have to watch me very carefully, since I’d plan to get mankind into all sorts of mischief. Then again; God might very well have a fantastic sense of humour, but his acts were justified, or left out, by a really boring and friendless monk with a chip on his shoulder writing the very first bible (or translating it from the original Latin). Plague of locusts? Parting of the red sea? Impregnating some random virgin for kicks? Maybe God has a sense of humour after all…

NB: I realize this piece of writing is quite politically incorrect, and I shall strive to work on a redo in reference to Allah, Vishnu and Buddha. But not Xenu, because Scientology is a bunch of cobblers. They’re ever madder than I am.