Frogs Legs

Lateesha’s favourite food in the World was frog’s legs. If you’ve ever tried frog’s legs, I’m sure that you would agree that there is nothing spectacular about the meat. I suppose Lateesha just enjoyed the exotic sauces that came with them. Nonetheless, if it weren’t for her extreme love of frog’s legs, the strangest and most wonderful experience of her life would have never happened. No, I’m not talking about love (how cliché do you think I am?), as I said earlier, she had already experienced this feeling with frogs legs. I’m talking about a near death experience, where your life flashes before her eyes.

It started out as any ordinary day does; with an alarm beeping feebly as the disgruntled owner pushes the snooze button once, then a second time, then a third time which the said owner only counts as the second time because they were far too sleepy to remember pushing it the first time, and this process carries on until they are very late indeed. Ironically, it was the builders across the street that finally woke Lateesha up, even though the snooze button had been pushed five times that morning. She solemnly vowed to herself, as her stomach complained due to a lack of breakfast, to buy the loudest, most assertive alarm clock possible. If such a thing existed, she thought to herself, she should get one which administers electric shocks if you try to touch the snooze button more than twice. Her mind began to wonder off as she speeded down the street*, filled with Wallace and Gromit-type inventions for getting oneself out of bed at an appropriate time.

So, the day continued on as any mundane work day does, until lunchtime arrived, which Lateesha was very keen to partake in, unfortunately her stomach had not yet given up the rebellion in response to her missed breakfast. Luckily for her (as it would seem, though this is one of the main reasons she works where she does), there was a lovely little French bistro around the corner, which served wonderful frogs legs. So, after no more than five minutes of waiting, Lateesha finaly received her first meal of the day; frogs legs à la Parisienne, with a side of garlic bread as penance for her earlier missed meal. Unfortunately, her extreme hunger led her to perhaps eat more carelessly than usual, and she soon found herself choking on one of the bones. Before you begin to fear for Lateesha’s wellbeing, a pockmarked man who happens to know the Heimlich maneuver does walk into the bistro just in time and saves her, but after seeing his face, Lateesha will be quite disappointed, thinking to herself how this day could have turned into a wonderful love story if he weren’t so ugly. Unbeknownst to her at the time, she actually is looking at her future husband, but that is a different story for a different time.

But before the pockmarked man even crossed the road, Lateesha was gasping for oxygen and turning blue. This is when your life begins to flash before her eyes. She sees your first steps, she sees you when you were about five, wearing that silly coat with dirt on your nose, she sees you when you were a few years older, in tears as an adult scolds you, she sees you running straight into a very clean glass door, she sees you as your eyes swell up as someone tells you news you prayed you would never hear.

Everyone who has nearly lost their life will tell you that they do an awful lot of thinking after the incident, but all Lateesha could wonder after nearly losing her life was not of her saviour, not of anything spiritualistic and deep, but simply, ‘who on earth was that funny looking person I just saw?’

*speeding is very dangerous indeed. I do not condone this activity, nor any others which are against the law, unless it’s really important.